There’s a probability that a significant number of us often look at our peers in awe and wonder as we admire how well they have their game together. Their children are well behaved, their finances are in order, their five-year plans heading on the up and up, passive income rolling in, their home is always neat, on point. Then we look at ourselves, bumbling through life, stumbling through each day with seemingly no real sense of identity or purpose and we ask, ‘Where am I getting it wrong?’
The answer is, chances are your peers that you so admire and put on a pedestal are probably admiring you and that begs the question, how many of us really know what we are doing? Probably very few. How many of us are just winging it, hoping for the best? Probably very many.
The high pressure of life today leaves very little room to catch your breath. The demands on us are immense and unrelenting and the dynamic environments that we live in are unforgiving. We spend so much time caught up in the negative spiral of trying to figure it all out that we rarely think beyond doing the things necessary for survival and we find ourselves spinning uncontrollably in the rat race.
But what does ‘figuring it out’ mean?
Is it knowing what your purpose is in life?
Is it getting to that sweet spot financially that you never have to worry about money?
Is it a home filled with joy and laughter 24/7?
Is it a bunch of incredibly successful adult children?
Is it living out your golden years in a sunlit, view filled spot in the country?
Some of us are blessed to know answers to the above questions and a myriad of others at an early age, but I’d hazard a guess and say the majority of us never really know the answers for our entire lifetime.
Personally, the last few years have brought to the fore a turning point for me. I yearned to be known for something more than being someone’s daughter, wife and mother. I desired to learn something new, new skills, revisit old ones. I craved independence from relying on someone else for my income. I dreamed of making my mark on this world. I imagined a day when I had all my ducks in a row, when I’d ‘figured it all out’ and would glide comfortably, on my terms, through the second half of my life. The intensity of this search for ‘figuring it out’ bubbled beneath the surface, sometimes so intensely that I could have erupted but it was held back. Held back by the fear of leaving a comfort zone, the fear of being responsible and accountable for my own destiny, the fear of getting out of my shell that I’d slowly pieced together over my entire life to date.
But today, here I am, on the eve of my 42nd birthday, standing on tip toes, arms stretched out wide, on the precipice of not one but two ventures, ready to take my first flight over the cliff edge. It’s simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. It jars the mind, body and spirit. I look forward to each day, ready to tackle my to do list, I have sleepless nights, conjuring up solutions to challenges current and potential. And all this in the year that is 2020.
Do I now have it figured out? No, not by a long shot and that’s ok.
Perhaps we never will figure it out because maybe that’s not what’s important. What’s important is taking each day at a time, being open to change, seeking motivation to do more of what keeps you going in a positive direction, doing what you enjoy, inspiring others and leaving a mark on this world by making a difference to the communities we live in.
It’s ok to not have it figured out yet.
Olga
Olga Terera 